Reaching out to the marginalized

All right, I give up. Being the sort of rigid self-absorbed promethean neopelagain racist bigot that I am, I have long refused to heed Pope Francis the Merciful’s merciful call to mercifully show merciful mercy to the most marginalized in our society. But I can resist no longer, I have had a conversion of heart and will now identify the most hated and reviled demographic in my country and “reach out” to them.

After only a cursory inquiry, it’s clear which demographic group is the most vindictively hated in America, namely WASPs.

So alright people, let’s get on board with the Pope’s message. In order to evangelize to these people, we must first express solidarity with them, and repent of the many sins we’ve committed against them. Henceforth we must be unequivocal in not allowing Hispanics (a group obsequiesly praised in our society) to take their jobs and make them foreigners in their own lands. We certainly cannot allow black criminals and grievance mongerers (a group that receives even more obsequies praise than the Hispanics) to destroy their communities. And it must henceforth be absolutely out of the question to allow Muslims (whose wonderfulness outshines even racial minorities in the eyes of our elites) to terrorize them.

Once we have thus shown ourselves their friends, we can help bring them to the fullness of truth in the Catholic Church, in which alone (at least, when we’re better) they can escape the suicidal tendencies which have plagued WASPs from the countries beginning.